One day, when I really experience the experience of the un-condition, when I still be I? Will I still having the same kind of behavior and thoughts as what I am having now?
It is not an answerable question. No one will know unless one has experience it. And possibly, it is not describable too as words are very limited.
While living in this condition world, what we could do is keep continue developing wisdom. Only with wisdom, defilement can be uprooted and the un-condition can be revealed.
One of my teachers emphasis a lot on paying attention and knowing what is happening right now in the mind and body. In his meditation instruction, he will guide the meditators to pay attention and to know. He has also mentioned that defilements always focus on the concept; wisdom will go back into reality. What I got from this is that the ability to pay attention is also wisdom.
Have not been knowing much about wisdom till I meet this teacher. However, at this moment, from what has been practice, observed and learned so far, wisdom has many many face and work in different ways. Ability to pay attention is wisdom, ability to recognize is wisdom, ability to discern what is wholesome and what is unwholesome is also wisdom.
To go to deeper level, when one is able to observe wisdom at work is another level of wisdom. When one is able to know that it is wisdom at work, wisdom will in fact deepen. The teacher likes to use money to equate it as wisdom. When a businessman has money, then only he can invest. When one only has one dollar, he can only invest one dollar, and the return will be for one dollar. But if one has a lot of money, he can invest a lot, and the return will be many folds.
Same goes with wisdom. When we have wisdom, then only wisdom will grow. When wisdom grows, defilement cannot grow. That is nature. When one can see that, wisdom will keep on growing. Wisdom is by itself a natural process and it is not personal. Understanding this intellectually is intellectual wisdom. Upon realization of this, then it becomes insights and one will transform.
What we can practice now is always not to forget to be aware. At the beginning, wisdom will follow when we aware enough. Later, wisdom will be the guide and goes hand in hand with awareness. It is therefore crucial to develop wisdom and to recognize wisdom.
Wisdom is hidden in many ways and it is not difficult to find. Patience, willingness and intention to grow wisdom are what it takes.
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