In our life, there will be one or two (or even more) intimate relationships that we get into. While in the relationship, we were very sure that we love this person.
Me too, has been loving this man for few years. And I am very sure that this is the one, this is the right person, I love him. There is no doubt about this.
Because of certain conditions, I am not able to be with this man. And indeed, I have always been very sure I love him. And when I see him, there seems to be so much attachment towards him. However, I avoid seeing him often, fearing that I won’t be able to control myself. Up to this moment, I am still very sure that I love him.
However, one day, after many months of not seeing him, I met him. And the next day, while working in the office, the thought that ‘I love him’ came into the mind. And then in the mind arise reasons and justifications on why I love him; and past pleasant feelings when I was with him also arisen.
Due to the continuous practice of awareness and mindfulness, there and then, I suddenly realized that ‘I love him’ is just a thought. It is not love but a thought of love. Further contemplating on the scenario when I met him the night before, I was astonished to observe that there is in fact aversion towards him. There was expectation that he will be happy when saw me and gave me a big hug after not meeting each other for such a long time. However, when he appeared to be indifferent, there in the mind, was having some aversion towards him.
While seeing and knowing the operation of the mind at this moment, there comes a little wisdom. It understands at that particular moment that ‘I love him’ is but just a thought. A thought that then creates some pleasant feelings and attachments. The attachment is in fact not towards this man but towards the ‘I love him’ thought and pleasant feelings.
And also, when the mind understands that ‘I love him’ is just a thought and not reality; it also understands that loving-kindness, compassion, altruistic joy and equanimity as expounded in the Buddha’s teachings are mental states. They are very refine loving mental states which do not target to any specific person. And they are real, not thoughts.
What the spiritual masters advocate on love are these kinds of refine mental states, and not the love that I think. These loving-kindness mental states are more refine, having the characteristic of boundary-less, all-embracing and soft. It is accessible by all.
When one has understand the difference, one will realize that ‘I love you’ is only a thought and not a true love. Truth loving is a mental state that is embracing and not personal, not targeting to any object. It is more refine and soft.
When we say "I love him" we are in fact to mean "I like him for who he is" and this arise from the thought we have about the person. Thus you are not far from truth to recognize that I Love Him is actually a thought sprung from a feeling of like and not really love, and as you said - love is in actuality a mental state rather than a feeling. Kudos!
ReplyDelete"Like" is pretty fragile as it is effect of what we want about that person - it is also to mean that we do not want him to be otherwise. Thus it is natural for anger to arise as that person does not meet our hidden expectation. :)