While I was doing my usual routine of evening sitting meditation yesterday, it was observed that the mind was functioning from two different states, ie, ignorance or wisdom. When the mind was operated from the perspective of ignorance, there tends to be negative feelings such as unworthiness, despair, restless, irritation and others.
However, when awareness is able to observe this and not holding on or perpetual these ignorance thoughts, feeling of peace and letting go arise. The mind state becomes clear and lucid. Every activity of the mind is crystal clear and transparent and easily observable.
This kind of clear mind state is not easily accessible as we are so conditioned with thinking negative thoughts with ignorance most of the time. Once there is this mind state, it is pleasurable and enjoyable. When this happen, immediately holding on due to ignorance kicks in and the mind wants this kind of mental state to continue and prolong.
As this moment, wisdom of observing with impartiality and non-judgmental is covered up by thick cloud of ignorance. And wise contemplation of seeing things as it is was gone. Therefore, the mind state again falls back to negativity.
From the observation of this, it comes to me that we are experiencing ignorance or wisdom all the time. If wisdom is not there, it is being covered up by ignorance. When wisdom is there operating, ignorance fade. It is just the way it is. However, if holding on and grasping comes in, we will suffer.
Therefore, what has been gotten here is that there is no right or wrong with the ignorance or wisdom experience. What causes the suffering is the grasping on the experience. The grasping could be on both ignorance and wisdom. In terms of ignorance grasping, it manifested as resisting and rejecting what is. On the other hand, grasping on wisdom is desiring and wishing the pleasurable experience to continue longer.
When grasping and holding on is truly understand and let go, then there will be silence and peace.
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