I found a very strange conspiracy of this mind…
When the mind was feeling disturb, such as somebody has place a comment on me, and I don’t like it, there will be turbulence in the mind. It is a very unpleasant experience. The mind is not peaceful and not at ease. In another word, it can be said that the mind caught a dis-ease.
Automatically as a consequence, the mind will start looking for somebody to talk to, to try to spread its uncomfortable feelings away. When I look deeper, it is actually a way that the mind uses to run away, to cover up the uncomfortable feelings. By talking to someone, it can temporarily forget its uneasiness. It diverts the attention by complaining to others.
And most of the time the mind chooses to pour its dissatisfaction to someone whom the mind trust, someone who has shown care before, or someone deem more wise.
I had tried before to just be aware of this urge to call a good friend than to compulsively call the person. It is from this just be and paying attention that I saw the conspiracy of the mind: The conspiracy to spread the negative energy, to complain, to run away from its own uneasiness. It is selfish in a way because the mind is trying to share its load with another person. However, no matter how much the other could hear you, the issue will not be solved, nor the hurt feelings and painful experience in the mind.
Sooner or later, when there is another unwelcome comment, the mind will automatically run it conspiracy and call another person to complain and let loose the negative energy again.
What is more insightful when paying attention in such a manner is that the realization of some latent ideas and beliefs that cause the pain. There is always expectation, and also a desire to be good which is not fulfill laying beneath the hurt feelings. Without the expectation, there won’t be any disturbance.
What shows up in the world is in fact a belief deep rooted in the mind. So the world is you, and no one is out there. To heal and free, pay attention to what you see and what you experience. Once you experience freedom, the mind is liberated; else, continue with the practice.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, October 18, 2010
Why am I still not stopping?
Those who have some background in Buddhism should have heard about the story of Angulimala, the one who hunt for finger bones for his teacher due to some conspiracy his peers made upon him.
While hunting for the last finger bone, Angulimala met the Buddha. And the phrase that stopped Angulimala from continuing his killing and served as a turning point from a devil to saint was “I had already stopped. Why are you still running?” (Refer to the Buddhist text for the complete story and details.)
Previously, when reading or listening to this story, what I understood on the phrase ‘I had already stopped’ is that the Buddha has abandoned all the searching and chasing to satisfy and fulfill the desires.
Only recently while observing the mind did I realized that there is another explanation for the word ‘stopped’. If we are able to observe and watch the mind impartially without getting involved, we can see that the mind is moving all the time, wandering, thinking and going from here to there. It never ends and never rest. There is so much noise because of this. But we have been so accustomed to it that hardly do we realize there is so much unsettledness and restlessness in the mind.
One experience of the unrest mind: one of my colleagues who was a service engineer 2 years ago has been promoted to become Project Manager. After two years, that is recently, he has again being promoted to be Senior Project Manager. And due to the Operation Manager is resigning, he again, not even warm his seat of Senior Project Manager has again being promoted to Operation Manager.
Upon knowing this, the mind moved and starts to think that how come some people has such a good chance and able to be promoted so fast in such a short time? There is question in the mind if the person is really so capable? Is he really so good or just being lucky? Here, the mind was moved by jealousy, self-pity, and the like.
But, being a ‘spiritual’ person who has learned so many compassionate and rejoicing in other’s success principles, I should be happy for the person’s promotion isn’t it? So, the mind move to the other direction and think that I should congratulate him, should be happy for him.
All these constitute the thinking and moving around of the mind. It is so conditioned that it keeps moving from this end to that end, incessantly, day in and day out. Starting from only one incident, it has moved around the world. So amazing!!
Once I observed the incessant movement of the mind, then only I realized that ‘I had stopped’ uttered by the Buddha could mean that the mind has stopped. It is no more moving so involuntarily, so automatically, without stopping.
Once the mind stopped moving, it is quietness, silence and indeed peace.
The sad truth is, although seeing this and understands about it, the mind still habitually falls into thinking and wandering and moving. The wisdom is not yet strong enough to cut the root of the habit. The journey still continues on.
The Buddha had stopped, why am I still chasing???
While hunting for the last finger bone, Angulimala met the Buddha. And the phrase that stopped Angulimala from continuing his killing and served as a turning point from a devil to saint was “I had already stopped. Why are you still running?” (Refer to the Buddhist text for the complete story and details.)
Previously, when reading or listening to this story, what I understood on the phrase ‘I had already stopped’ is that the Buddha has abandoned all the searching and chasing to satisfy and fulfill the desires.
Only recently while observing the mind did I realized that there is another explanation for the word ‘stopped’. If we are able to observe and watch the mind impartially without getting involved, we can see that the mind is moving all the time, wandering, thinking and going from here to there. It never ends and never rest. There is so much noise because of this. But we have been so accustomed to it that hardly do we realize there is so much unsettledness and restlessness in the mind.
One experience of the unrest mind: one of my colleagues who was a service engineer 2 years ago has been promoted to become Project Manager. After two years, that is recently, he has again being promoted to be Senior Project Manager. And due to the Operation Manager is resigning, he again, not even warm his seat of Senior Project Manager has again being promoted to Operation Manager.
Upon knowing this, the mind moved and starts to think that how come some people has such a good chance and able to be promoted so fast in such a short time? There is question in the mind if the person is really so capable? Is he really so good or just being lucky? Here, the mind was moved by jealousy, self-pity, and the like.
But, being a ‘spiritual’ person who has learned so many compassionate and rejoicing in other’s success principles, I should be happy for the person’s promotion isn’t it? So, the mind move to the other direction and think that I should congratulate him, should be happy for him.
All these constitute the thinking and moving around of the mind. It is so conditioned that it keeps moving from this end to that end, incessantly, day in and day out. Starting from only one incident, it has moved around the world. So amazing!!
Once I observed the incessant movement of the mind, then only I realized that ‘I had stopped’ uttered by the Buddha could mean that the mind has stopped. It is no more moving so involuntarily, so automatically, without stopping.
Once the mind stopped moving, it is quietness, silence and indeed peace.
The sad truth is, although seeing this and understands about it, the mind still habitually falls into thinking and wandering and moving. The wisdom is not yet strong enough to cut the root of the habit. The journey still continues on.
The Buddha had stopped, why am I still chasing???
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Less is more
A colleague gave me a very thought provoking statement sometimes ago. He said that slow is fast. What he meant is that while installing and operating one of the software programs for asset management system, it is worthwhile to be patient and wait for the steps to be completed before we click the mouse for the next step. If we are impatient and can’t wait and want things fast, we will end up facing trouble and possibly have to uninstall the program before installing again, this takes more time. So to him, slow is fast is the philosophy approach he uses in operating the software program.
I would like to further the saying after having this insight sometimes ago. What I understand was less is more. How could it be? Less and more are at the two extreme to us, isn’t it?
Living in this world, we always want more. We want more money, bigger house, better car, more possession, more clothes, more shoes, more entertainment, more excitement and the list goes on. We strongly believe that the more we have, the happier we will be.
I love to go against the norm, therefore, less is more. If we can see that the less we have, the happier we will be, then many of the issues dissolve. If we have less, we save the trouble of deciding which dress to wear, which shoes to wear when we are going out. If we have fewer dishes on the table, we save the headache of having to decide which one to choose. Because we don’t have any choice, we just take whatever there is for us. It saves a lot of energy and anxiety and worry.
In that way, we can actually see that defilement is very much keep in check because with less, there is not much attachment, there is not much desire, there is not much wanting. We are content with what is on hand. As a result, there is more happiness, there is more peacefulness, there is more stillness and silence in the mind.
We have been condition to think that having more brings happiness. There is an invitation now to re-program the mind and gives it new information that having less is more happiness. Not having anything is supreme happiness.
It is a little challenging to accept that less is more. But with understanding and wise contemplation, it is nothing difficult to accept as it is a fact. We only blind ourselves and not wanting to see it. With a little practice of awareness, to know how we feel when we have a lot of possessions and having to make choices with how we feel when there is not much choice and we only receive what is there for us, we can understand that easily.
In fact, after understand that less is more, it is correct to say that empty is everything. When there is emptiness, everything is there. See it for yourself.
I would like to further the saying after having this insight sometimes ago. What I understand was less is more. How could it be? Less and more are at the two extreme to us, isn’t it?
Living in this world, we always want more. We want more money, bigger house, better car, more possession, more clothes, more shoes, more entertainment, more excitement and the list goes on. We strongly believe that the more we have, the happier we will be.
I love to go against the norm, therefore, less is more. If we can see that the less we have, the happier we will be, then many of the issues dissolve. If we have less, we save the trouble of deciding which dress to wear, which shoes to wear when we are going out. If we have fewer dishes on the table, we save the headache of having to decide which one to choose. Because we don’t have any choice, we just take whatever there is for us. It saves a lot of energy and anxiety and worry.
In that way, we can actually see that defilement is very much keep in check because with less, there is not much attachment, there is not much desire, there is not much wanting. We are content with what is on hand. As a result, there is more happiness, there is more peacefulness, there is more stillness and silence in the mind.
We have been condition to think that having more brings happiness. There is an invitation now to re-program the mind and gives it new information that having less is more happiness. Not having anything is supreme happiness.
It is a little challenging to accept that less is more. But with understanding and wise contemplation, it is nothing difficult to accept as it is a fact. We only blind ourselves and not wanting to see it. With a little practice of awareness, to know how we feel when we have a lot of possessions and having to make choices with how we feel when there is not much choice and we only receive what is there for us, we can understand that easily.
In fact, after understand that less is more, it is correct to say that empty is everything. When there is emptiness, everything is there. See it for yourself.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Attitude is important
It is crucial to maintain an open-mindedness and receptive attitude under any kind of circumstances. If one is too confident and sure about what one knows, there tends to be a lot of information and knowledge one miss.
Many times, when I received some information either through discussion or reading, the mind will automatically contemplate and learn to understand. And always, the mind will have its own idea, its own view, which might be agreeable or sometimes conflict with other’s view.
I would like to express my viewpoints, and at times, will think that others have not really understood as what I have understood. My writings have sometimes expressed the view I had after some discussion.
However, it happen so frequently that possibly after another day, the mind will understand the content of discussion differently. And others’ viewpoints about what had been discussed have its truth as well. It is not totally incorrect or lack in any sense.
Quoting the simile of the blind men who want to know how elephant is like, each one of us in fact understands the same situation from a different perspective. Each of us is right in certain way, but unless and until we gather all the information, seeing the total picture of the situation, we could not claim that we are the only one who is right and others wrong.
For this, I learned that it is very important and useful to be open-minded, receptive, and allowing so that I can absorb and receive knowledge and information gracefully. In that sense, understanding of the whole picture or overview of the situation will be complete.
As a jigsaw puzzle, I am only holding a piece of it. And the other pieces are in the hands of others. I can only get the jigsaw puzzle complete if I accept the pieces from others. If I think that I am holding the one and only clue, reject views from others, then I will never be able to get the truth totally.
That is why now I learned to be more receptive, to incorporate what others understand and blend in with what the mind here has understood.
Hopefully then, the path towards freedom is accelerated with more gracefulness and ease.
Many times, when I received some information either through discussion or reading, the mind will automatically contemplate and learn to understand. And always, the mind will have its own idea, its own view, which might be agreeable or sometimes conflict with other’s view.
I would like to express my viewpoints, and at times, will think that others have not really understood as what I have understood. My writings have sometimes expressed the view I had after some discussion.
However, it happen so frequently that possibly after another day, the mind will understand the content of discussion differently. And others’ viewpoints about what had been discussed have its truth as well. It is not totally incorrect or lack in any sense.
Quoting the simile of the blind men who want to know how elephant is like, each one of us in fact understands the same situation from a different perspective. Each of us is right in certain way, but unless and until we gather all the information, seeing the total picture of the situation, we could not claim that we are the only one who is right and others wrong.
For this, I learned that it is very important and useful to be open-minded, receptive, and allowing so that I can absorb and receive knowledge and information gracefully. In that sense, understanding of the whole picture or overview of the situation will be complete.
As a jigsaw puzzle, I am only holding a piece of it. And the other pieces are in the hands of others. I can only get the jigsaw puzzle complete if I accept the pieces from others. If I think that I am holding the one and only clue, reject views from others, then I will never be able to get the truth totally.
That is why now I learned to be more receptive, to incorporate what others understand and blend in with what the mind here has understood.
Hopefully then, the path towards freedom is accelerated with more gracefulness and ease.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Giving and letting go
Before we started the weekly group sitting last week, we had some discussion on giving. Giving, or rather generosity to be more accurate, is one of the perfection according to Buddha’s teaching.
There were exchange of ideas and opinions on giving among the group, mostly regarding on why we give. We had discussed on the reasons we give, it could be due to fear, due to frustration, due to some belief and others. To some, giving is to alleviate the suffering of those in need.
The focus of the discussion has been on giving. However, interpreting what I heard that day, the center theme of giving is more incline to a physical action that a person is handling a tangible object to someone else. To me, the perfection advocate by the Buddha is more on letting go. And this is a mental process, a mental training rather than a physical action.
What is the motivation for us to give? What is the mind state before, during and after giving? This, to me is more worthy of observation and understanding than whether we will gain merits if we give.
Bear in mind that the main purpose of generosity is the training of letting go. And remember that in truth there is nothing in this world that belong to us other that our own belief of it so. While giving, it is imperative to watch and observe the mind, whether letting go did occur. Are we still holding on to the things that have been given away? Are there expectations on the results on the giving?
If we are still expecting to gain some merits, or still feel angry if the receiver didn’t shown any gratefulness, then it can be quite sure to say that generosity (in the context of letting go) has not occur. More training is required.
Instead of focusing on the physical process: I am seeing there is a need, and I am giving this away, to alleviate the suffering; it is more beneficial to observe the mind process. What is the motivation before giving? While giving, how does the mind see the receiver? Is the mind judge the receiver in an inferior position? How does the mind relate to the things that it gives away? Is the mind wanting the things that it gives away to be used in the particular way it expect? What are the thoughts running in the mind in the whole process?
If one were to be aware and observe the mind during the giving process, and understand deeply on the purpose of giving, which is letting go and detachment, then one is really reside in the realm of non-attachment and practice true giving.
However, if one observes that the mind still holds on to the results and having expectations, does it mean that the giving is totally void and useless? Of course not. Merely by the fact that one is able to observe the mental process carries merit. Seeing these mental processes is itself wisdom at work. What is needed is more training.
That, to me, is the practice of giving. Giving in a physical means, but training of letting go, in terms of the mind, is the core.
There were exchange of ideas and opinions on giving among the group, mostly regarding on why we give. We had discussed on the reasons we give, it could be due to fear, due to frustration, due to some belief and others. To some, giving is to alleviate the suffering of those in need.
The focus of the discussion has been on giving. However, interpreting what I heard that day, the center theme of giving is more incline to a physical action that a person is handling a tangible object to someone else. To me, the perfection advocate by the Buddha is more on letting go. And this is a mental process, a mental training rather than a physical action.
What is the motivation for us to give? What is the mind state before, during and after giving? This, to me is more worthy of observation and understanding than whether we will gain merits if we give.
Bear in mind that the main purpose of generosity is the training of letting go. And remember that in truth there is nothing in this world that belong to us other that our own belief of it so. While giving, it is imperative to watch and observe the mind, whether letting go did occur. Are we still holding on to the things that have been given away? Are there expectations on the results on the giving?
If we are still expecting to gain some merits, or still feel angry if the receiver didn’t shown any gratefulness, then it can be quite sure to say that generosity (in the context of letting go) has not occur. More training is required.
Instead of focusing on the physical process: I am seeing there is a need, and I am giving this away, to alleviate the suffering; it is more beneficial to observe the mind process. What is the motivation before giving? While giving, how does the mind see the receiver? Is the mind judge the receiver in an inferior position? How does the mind relate to the things that it gives away? Is the mind wanting the things that it gives away to be used in the particular way it expect? What are the thoughts running in the mind in the whole process?
If one were to be aware and observe the mind during the giving process, and understand deeply on the purpose of giving, which is letting go and detachment, then one is really reside in the realm of non-attachment and practice true giving.
However, if one observes that the mind still holds on to the results and having expectations, does it mean that the giving is totally void and useless? Of course not. Merely by the fact that one is able to observe the mental process carries merit. Seeing these mental processes is itself wisdom at work. What is needed is more training.
That, to me, is the practice of giving. Giving in a physical means, but training of letting go, in terms of the mind, is the core.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Strict and Stern Words..... (2)
The second incident happened when I was attending a meditation retreat in Myanmar also about 2 years ago. While in this particular retreat, sleepiness during sitting meditation is the main obstacle.
I was there for a month and almost during every interview with the teacher, I reported about sleepiness in my sitting. The teacher had been patiently listening and giving some guidance.
On the last interview before I came back, again I was talking about sleepiness that I faced. To my surprise, the teacher said something like ‘you can go back to Malaysia and sleep as you like’. Hearing this, I was feeling inferior. I was thinking how come the teacher got no more compassion towards me? How come the teacher didn’t try to rescue me? Has the teacher feeling frustrated and given up on me and seeing me as hopeless and he didn’t want to help me anymore?
There was a lot of inferior and fear thinking happening.
But now, without judging and focusing only on what the teacher said, I am able to look at what had happened from a different perspective. The stern and seemingly strict and not compassionate words from the teacher have indeed served as a wakeup call that dig deeper into the subconscious idea this mind is having.
There has always been a ‘poor me’, ‘pity me’ syndrome happening in this mind and it manifested in the behavior of always needing others to make decision for me. There is a belief of I am useless, hopeless, helpless and don’t know how to come out from the deep pit, please come and rescue me, save me. This idea and belief has been rooted so deeply in the mind.
Now, the teacher has admonished in a different way. In fact, he has given all the teaching, the methods and the necessary tools. But if I am not going to apply it accordingly, he won’t be able to save me. A teacher is only showing the way. What I had in the mind is wanting the teacher to walk the way for me, which is impossible.
After coming back from the retreat, the mind has actually conditioned to be more aware and conscious on the arising of the sleepy thoughts. In other words, the mind is wiser to apply right effort in the practice.
In this manner, I am again feeling grateful to the teacher’s stern and strict admonishment. Without that, I could still be like a little child who always waiting others to do what I am supposed to do myself. I will not grow, so to speak.
After these two incident, the mind has grow, in a way, and become more mature.
Therefore, if stern and strict admonishment has been aimed on us, do not fear it, do not resist it. It could be our great teacher for us to reflect upon, for us to move forward and grow in strength.
I was there for a month and almost during every interview with the teacher, I reported about sleepiness in my sitting. The teacher had been patiently listening and giving some guidance.
On the last interview before I came back, again I was talking about sleepiness that I faced. To my surprise, the teacher said something like ‘you can go back to Malaysia and sleep as you like’. Hearing this, I was feeling inferior. I was thinking how come the teacher got no more compassion towards me? How come the teacher didn’t try to rescue me? Has the teacher feeling frustrated and given up on me and seeing me as hopeless and he didn’t want to help me anymore?
There was a lot of inferior and fear thinking happening.
But now, without judging and focusing only on what the teacher said, I am able to look at what had happened from a different perspective. The stern and seemingly strict and not compassionate words from the teacher have indeed served as a wakeup call that dig deeper into the subconscious idea this mind is having.
There has always been a ‘poor me’, ‘pity me’ syndrome happening in this mind and it manifested in the behavior of always needing others to make decision for me. There is a belief of I am useless, hopeless, helpless and don’t know how to come out from the deep pit, please come and rescue me, save me. This idea and belief has been rooted so deeply in the mind.
Now, the teacher has admonished in a different way. In fact, he has given all the teaching, the methods and the necessary tools. But if I am not going to apply it accordingly, he won’t be able to save me. A teacher is only showing the way. What I had in the mind is wanting the teacher to walk the way for me, which is impossible.
After coming back from the retreat, the mind has actually conditioned to be more aware and conscious on the arising of the sleepy thoughts. In other words, the mind is wiser to apply right effort in the practice.
In this manner, I am again feeling grateful to the teacher’s stern and strict admonishment. Without that, I could still be like a little child who always waiting others to do what I am supposed to do myself. I will not grow, so to speak.
After these two incident, the mind has grow, in a way, and become more mature.
Therefore, if stern and strict admonishment has been aimed on us, do not fear it, do not resist it. It could be our great teacher for us to reflect upon, for us to move forward and grow in strength.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Strict and stern words....... (1)
Many of us only like to hear appearing and pleasurable words. No exception here. When we hear nice words and praise from the others, we feel happy and elated. On the contrary, if some one admonish us, some one speak with more stern voice and strict words, we feel challenge, we feel threaten, we feel misunderstood, and become miserable.
However, stern and strict words are not all the time harmful or hurting if we can use that as a way for contemplation and look within to grow.
I have two experience in this which can be share with all and hopefully when people admonish us next time, we will have the wisdom and willingness to look back into our mind, look back into our behavior and check if there is any thing good which can come out from there.
About 2 years ago, I attended a 10-day workshop with a group of friends. Nearing the ending of the workshop, we have decided to offer gifts to the participants on the last day as souvenir for them to bring back and serve as reminder to the lessons that we have learned. However, to prepare the gifts, which we choose to make it ourselves rather than just buy from the shelves, we got to stay late in the night. And it was way pass my normal sleeping hours.
Half way in the process, I said that I was too sleepy and not able to think already. Then this friend made a remark that ‘the mind which always thinks of sleep can’t have wisdom’. Hearing the words, I was feeling some irritation and anger, feeling being insulted. I was blaming the person that it was true that I was feeling sleepy as the time is approaching 12 midnight and not that I am always thinking about sleep.
That was how I felt at that time.
However, after came back from the workshop and further contemplating on what I heard that night ‘the mind that always think of sleep can’t have wisdom’, it serve as a strong reminder to observe and note the mind which has been so habitually having sleep thoughts. The mind that has thoughts about sleep is very dull, inactive, blur, lethargy and lack of alertness. This kind of mind state is not conducive for mindfulness and awareness practice.
So now, whenever there is a sleepy thought, the mind will check whether it is true. Is it just a thought? Is it really tired? How is the mental state at that time?
At current state, I am actually feeling thankful to that friend who has said that remark. It helps to be more conscious and raise a condition for more investigative mind rather than just follow a ‘sleepy thought’.
Strict and stern words are not always hurtful if we could use that as a tool to improve ourselves and becoming more aware and alert.
~~~ to be continued….
However, stern and strict words are not all the time harmful or hurting if we can use that as a way for contemplation and look within to grow.
I have two experience in this which can be share with all and hopefully when people admonish us next time, we will have the wisdom and willingness to look back into our mind, look back into our behavior and check if there is any thing good which can come out from there.
About 2 years ago, I attended a 10-day workshop with a group of friends. Nearing the ending of the workshop, we have decided to offer gifts to the participants on the last day as souvenir for them to bring back and serve as reminder to the lessons that we have learned. However, to prepare the gifts, which we choose to make it ourselves rather than just buy from the shelves, we got to stay late in the night. And it was way pass my normal sleeping hours.
Half way in the process, I said that I was too sleepy and not able to think already. Then this friend made a remark that ‘the mind which always thinks of sleep can’t have wisdom’. Hearing the words, I was feeling some irritation and anger, feeling being insulted. I was blaming the person that it was true that I was feeling sleepy as the time is approaching 12 midnight and not that I am always thinking about sleep.
That was how I felt at that time.
However, after came back from the workshop and further contemplating on what I heard that night ‘the mind that always think of sleep can’t have wisdom’, it serve as a strong reminder to observe and note the mind which has been so habitually having sleep thoughts. The mind that has thoughts about sleep is very dull, inactive, blur, lethargy and lack of alertness. This kind of mind state is not conducive for mindfulness and awareness practice.
So now, whenever there is a sleepy thought, the mind will check whether it is true. Is it just a thought? Is it really tired? How is the mental state at that time?
At current state, I am actually feeling thankful to that friend who has said that remark. It helps to be more conscious and raise a condition for more investigative mind rather than just follow a ‘sleepy thought’.
Strict and stern words are not always hurtful if we could use that as a tool to improve ourselves and becoming more aware and alert.
~~~ to be continued….
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The way out.....
How long has life been lead by defilement? Every time when an object impinge on one of the senses, have you observed how automatic the mind react, motivated by defilements such as anger, pride, jealous, ill-will, despair, resentment and many more?
It is strange to observe that a seemingly harmless object, such as a person that appears in front of us, can trigger many reactions in us. The mind can suddenly become angry, or despise the person. Many times, the mind judges the person, on his clothing, his behaviour, his action, etc. But, have we contemplate further whether the judgment is due to the person or because of the thoughts arising in our own mind?
While driving in a situation where there is traffic congestion, are we able to observe that there will be irritation? And are we capable to know that the dirty words, harsh words that come out from the mouth are due to this irritation? Can we know that at this time, we have been lead by defilements by the nose? We just follow what the defilements ask us to do without questioning. We are indeed a very obedient follower of defilements.
Our life has actually been conditioned by defilements. If we observe carefully, beneath each thought, each action, there is defilement. Most actions and thoughts are motivated by defilement. And thus, there is suffering. Without looking at the root cause, we try to avoid the dis-ease by running after what we think can bring us happiness. And following behind, without fail, are the defilements.
Is there any way out? Of course! The great masters of the past have shown the way. What I choose to follow is the way of awareness and mindfulness. By being aware, we are able to observe the mind impartially and then able to understand how the mind works. With the understanding, the wisdom knows the mind inside out, and no more will the mind follows the defilements.
What to aspire here is to have 100% awareness, every moment, with 100% alertness and awakeness.
It is strange to observe that a seemingly harmless object, such as a person that appears in front of us, can trigger many reactions in us. The mind can suddenly become angry, or despise the person. Many times, the mind judges the person, on his clothing, his behaviour, his action, etc. But, have we contemplate further whether the judgment is due to the person or because of the thoughts arising in our own mind?
While driving in a situation where there is traffic congestion, are we able to observe that there will be irritation? And are we capable to know that the dirty words, harsh words that come out from the mouth are due to this irritation? Can we know that at this time, we have been lead by defilements by the nose? We just follow what the defilements ask us to do without questioning. We are indeed a very obedient follower of defilements.
Our life has actually been conditioned by defilements. If we observe carefully, beneath each thought, each action, there is defilement. Most actions and thoughts are motivated by defilement. And thus, there is suffering. Without looking at the root cause, we try to avoid the dis-ease by running after what we think can bring us happiness. And following behind, without fail, are the defilements.
Is there any way out? Of course! The great masters of the past have shown the way. What I choose to follow is the way of awareness and mindfulness. By being aware, we are able to observe the mind impartially and then able to understand how the mind works. With the understanding, the wisdom knows the mind inside out, and no more will the mind follows the defilements.
What to aspire here is to have 100% awareness, every moment, with 100% alertness and awakeness.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Firm or stubborn?
This is a true case that posted two learning lessons.
A is the principal of a music center who wants to seek cooperation with B, person-in-charge of another music school, to run a music course. The discussion comes into some disagreement on few issues. B wanted to hold the deposit till the last month if the student decided not to continue the learning anymore. B has the reason to do so as the music school has experience teachers going away without informing and the music school has to face the parents.
However, A holds on to his own view and stand firm on his request that the deposit to be divided on the first month itself. The decision came about from the experience that at the last month, the clerk at the music school might have already resigned and new person who took over might not know the history, and it is troublesome to go through the searching of receipt to ensure the deposit has been paid before by the students.
Conveying the message from A to B, B has commented that A is very firm on his decision and agreed to bring this up to their higher management for discussion.
Learning Lesson 1:
B has sparked the lesson on saying that A is very firm. Indeed, I agreed with B. While relaying the message from B to A, I have thought that why A can’t just step back one step and agreed on B’s suggestion. In that case, much problem will be solved and A and B can work together to run the music course. If I were A, I will have agreed and start the course.
However, if look from the point of ‘do not satisfy for less, and you will get what you asked for’, A will get what he asked for because he is firm on what he wants and will not settle for less.
Initially I was thinking about being firm with what we want, and we will get what we want. But on further thought, we can call that as firm; it might be labeled as stubborn too. Where is the line between firm and stubborn?
Learning Lesson 2:
While talking to A about B’s request and views, there was some irritation and frustration that is running in the mind. It manifested out in the speech and action that inquire A to talk to B directly. Back in the mind, there is judgment and blame on A for his not wanting to even take one step back.
I supposed, what is more important for learning in this situation should be what is more real to me at the moment: which is observing the irritation and frustration that arisen in the mind while talking to A, rather than learning whether his is firm or stubborn, which is out of my control and out of my mind to know.
While I am busy analyzing whether that is firm or stubborn, I miss the chance to learn what is occurring in the mind. Why is it irritated? How is irritation like? How it affect the action and speech? Why is the irritation arise? Is it because I am expecting some thing and it is not fulfilled?
Happenings in life give us numerous learning opportunities. It depends on one’s wisdom and discernment to spot the lessons and learn it fast and wise.
A is the principal of a music center who wants to seek cooperation with B, person-in-charge of another music school, to run a music course. The discussion comes into some disagreement on few issues. B wanted to hold the deposit till the last month if the student decided not to continue the learning anymore. B has the reason to do so as the music school has experience teachers going away without informing and the music school has to face the parents.
However, A holds on to his own view and stand firm on his request that the deposit to be divided on the first month itself. The decision came about from the experience that at the last month, the clerk at the music school might have already resigned and new person who took over might not know the history, and it is troublesome to go through the searching of receipt to ensure the deposit has been paid before by the students.
Conveying the message from A to B, B has commented that A is very firm on his decision and agreed to bring this up to their higher management for discussion.
Learning Lesson 1:
B has sparked the lesson on saying that A is very firm. Indeed, I agreed with B. While relaying the message from B to A, I have thought that why A can’t just step back one step and agreed on B’s suggestion. In that case, much problem will be solved and A and B can work together to run the music course. If I were A, I will have agreed and start the course.
However, if look from the point of ‘do not satisfy for less, and you will get what you asked for’, A will get what he asked for because he is firm on what he wants and will not settle for less.
Initially I was thinking about being firm with what we want, and we will get what we want. But on further thought, we can call that as firm; it might be labeled as stubborn too. Where is the line between firm and stubborn?
Learning Lesson 2:
While talking to A about B’s request and views, there was some irritation and frustration that is running in the mind. It manifested out in the speech and action that inquire A to talk to B directly. Back in the mind, there is judgment and blame on A for his not wanting to even take one step back.
I supposed, what is more important for learning in this situation should be what is more real to me at the moment: which is observing the irritation and frustration that arisen in the mind while talking to A, rather than learning whether his is firm or stubborn, which is out of my control and out of my mind to know.
While I am busy analyzing whether that is firm or stubborn, I miss the chance to learn what is occurring in the mind. Why is it irritated? How is irritation like? How it affect the action and speech? Why is the irritation arise? Is it because I am expecting some thing and it is not fulfilled?
Happenings in life give us numerous learning opportunities. It depends on one’s wisdom and discernment to spot the lessons and learn it fast and wise.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Investigating into cultural beliefs....
One of my colleagues has resigned one month ago. Last week, my boss asked me to move to her sitting place. I have reluctantly done so because I have some view about that sitting place.
To my cultural beliefs, one must sit with a solid wall behind. This indicates that there will be solid support and one will have easier working life because one is supported from behind. And also, with that solid support, one can work longer in the company.
My existing sitting place has a brick wall behind which I considered to be very auspicious. The new sitting place only has a partition, which I deem as not as solid and stable as bricks. Therefore, I was quite reluctant and having some resistance to move.
In one evening sitting, this issue re-surfaces in the mind. While having more awareness and alertness, the mind is able to see this is just a thought going on in the mind, a belief, to be more accurate.
This belief normally comes from the Chinese background. At the sitting moment, the mind is able to contemplate more impartially. And it could see that if I were not being brought up from a Chinese background, I won’t have that kind of thought. I will just move into the sitting place, and sitting there or sitting here will not make much difference. Few of my Malay colleagues are sitting with the partition at their back, and they are doing quite well.
However, there were two Chinese colleagues who sit at the same row and both have resigned. This makes me ponder further. It seems like what Chinese believed did happen to the Chinese. What is being emphasis here is not whether the belief is true or false. What more interest me is the understanding that while coming from the same cultural background, being brought up with the same cultural thinking, we seems to be affected by the cultural beliefs, regardless whether the beliefs have any value or truth in them. Those coming from different cultural background will not be affected by the beliefs of other culture.
It is interesting then, to be curious and more investigative on what our cultures belief. Why do they have certain kind of rites and rituals? Why do we have to follow them? It is not to belittle or look down on the culture and background we come from, but as a means to cultivate the mind to be more mature and inquisitive in order to grow in wisdom and following the path to liberation.
It is a wonderful and interesting journey, to be able to break off from views and beliefs.
To my cultural beliefs, one must sit with a solid wall behind. This indicates that there will be solid support and one will have easier working life because one is supported from behind. And also, with that solid support, one can work longer in the company.
My existing sitting place has a brick wall behind which I considered to be very auspicious. The new sitting place only has a partition, which I deem as not as solid and stable as bricks. Therefore, I was quite reluctant and having some resistance to move.
In one evening sitting, this issue re-surfaces in the mind. While having more awareness and alertness, the mind is able to see this is just a thought going on in the mind, a belief, to be more accurate.
This belief normally comes from the Chinese background. At the sitting moment, the mind is able to contemplate more impartially. And it could see that if I were not being brought up from a Chinese background, I won’t have that kind of thought. I will just move into the sitting place, and sitting there or sitting here will not make much difference. Few of my Malay colleagues are sitting with the partition at their back, and they are doing quite well.
However, there were two Chinese colleagues who sit at the same row and both have resigned. This makes me ponder further. It seems like what Chinese believed did happen to the Chinese. What is being emphasis here is not whether the belief is true or false. What more interest me is the understanding that while coming from the same cultural background, being brought up with the same cultural thinking, we seems to be affected by the cultural beliefs, regardless whether the beliefs have any value or truth in them. Those coming from different cultural background will not be affected by the beliefs of other culture.
It is interesting then, to be curious and more investigative on what our cultures belief. Why do they have certain kind of rites and rituals? Why do we have to follow them? It is not to belittle or look down on the culture and background we come from, but as a means to cultivate the mind to be more mature and inquisitive in order to grow in wisdom and following the path to liberation.
It is a wonderful and interesting journey, to be able to break off from views and beliefs.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
"I Love You"
In our life, there will be one or two (or even more) intimate relationships that we get into. While in the relationship, we were very sure that we love this person.
Me too, has been loving this man for few years. And I am very sure that this is the one, this is the right person, I love him. There is no doubt about this.
Because of certain conditions, I am not able to be with this man. And indeed, I have always been very sure I love him. And when I see him, there seems to be so much attachment towards him. However, I avoid seeing him often, fearing that I won’t be able to control myself. Up to this moment, I am still very sure that I love him.
However, one day, after many months of not seeing him, I met him. And the next day, while working in the office, the thought that ‘I love him’ came into the mind. And then in the mind arise reasons and justifications on why I love him; and past pleasant feelings when I was with him also arisen.
Due to the continuous practice of awareness and mindfulness, there and then, I suddenly realized that ‘I love him’ is just a thought. It is not love but a thought of love. Further contemplating on the scenario when I met him the night before, I was astonished to observe that there is in fact aversion towards him. There was expectation that he will be happy when saw me and gave me a big hug after not meeting each other for such a long time. However, when he appeared to be indifferent, there in the mind, was having some aversion towards him.
While seeing and knowing the operation of the mind at this moment, there comes a little wisdom. It understands at that particular moment that ‘I love him’ is but just a thought. A thought that then creates some pleasant feelings and attachments. The attachment is in fact not towards this man but towards the ‘I love him’ thought and pleasant feelings.
And also, when the mind understands that ‘I love him’ is just a thought and not reality; it also understands that loving-kindness, compassion, altruistic joy and equanimity as expounded in the Buddha’s teachings are mental states. They are very refine loving mental states which do not target to any specific person. And they are real, not thoughts.
What the spiritual masters advocate on love are these kinds of refine mental states, and not the love that I think. These loving-kindness mental states are more refine, having the characteristic of boundary-less, all-embracing and soft. It is accessible by all.
When one has understand the difference, one will realize that ‘I love you’ is only a thought and not a true love. Truth loving is a mental state that is embracing and not personal, not targeting to any object. It is more refine and soft.
Me too, has been loving this man for few years. And I am very sure that this is the one, this is the right person, I love him. There is no doubt about this.
Because of certain conditions, I am not able to be with this man. And indeed, I have always been very sure I love him. And when I see him, there seems to be so much attachment towards him. However, I avoid seeing him often, fearing that I won’t be able to control myself. Up to this moment, I am still very sure that I love him.
However, one day, after many months of not seeing him, I met him. And the next day, while working in the office, the thought that ‘I love him’ came into the mind. And then in the mind arise reasons and justifications on why I love him; and past pleasant feelings when I was with him also arisen.
Due to the continuous practice of awareness and mindfulness, there and then, I suddenly realized that ‘I love him’ is just a thought. It is not love but a thought of love. Further contemplating on the scenario when I met him the night before, I was astonished to observe that there is in fact aversion towards him. There was expectation that he will be happy when saw me and gave me a big hug after not meeting each other for such a long time. However, when he appeared to be indifferent, there in the mind, was having some aversion towards him.
While seeing and knowing the operation of the mind at this moment, there comes a little wisdom. It understands at that particular moment that ‘I love him’ is but just a thought. A thought that then creates some pleasant feelings and attachments. The attachment is in fact not towards this man but towards the ‘I love him’ thought and pleasant feelings.
And also, when the mind understands that ‘I love him’ is just a thought and not reality; it also understands that loving-kindness, compassion, altruistic joy and equanimity as expounded in the Buddha’s teachings are mental states. They are very refine loving mental states which do not target to any specific person. And they are real, not thoughts.
What the spiritual masters advocate on love are these kinds of refine mental states, and not the love that I think. These loving-kindness mental states are more refine, having the characteristic of boundary-less, all-embracing and soft. It is accessible by all.
When one has understand the difference, one will realize that ‘I love you’ is only a thought and not a true love. Truth loving is a mental state that is embracing and not personal, not targeting to any object. It is more refine and soft.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Wisdom in many faces....
One day, when I really experience the experience of the un-condition, when I still be I? Will I still having the same kind of behavior and thoughts as what I am having now?
It is not an answerable question. No one will know unless one has experience it. And possibly, it is not describable too as words are very limited.
While living in this condition world, what we could do is keep continue developing wisdom. Only with wisdom, defilement can be uprooted and the un-condition can be revealed.
One of my teachers emphasis a lot on paying attention and knowing what is happening right now in the mind and body. In his meditation instruction, he will guide the meditators to pay attention and to know. He has also mentioned that defilements always focus on the concept; wisdom will go back into reality. What I got from this is that the ability to pay attention is also wisdom.
Have not been knowing much about wisdom till I meet this teacher. However, at this moment, from what has been practice, observed and learned so far, wisdom has many many face and work in different ways. Ability to pay attention is wisdom, ability to recognize is wisdom, ability to discern what is wholesome and what is unwholesome is also wisdom.
To go to deeper level, when one is able to observe wisdom at work is another level of wisdom. When one is able to know that it is wisdom at work, wisdom will in fact deepen. The teacher likes to use money to equate it as wisdom. When a businessman has money, then only he can invest. When one only has one dollar, he can only invest one dollar, and the return will be for one dollar. But if one has a lot of money, he can invest a lot, and the return will be many folds.
Same goes with wisdom. When we have wisdom, then only wisdom will grow. When wisdom grows, defilement cannot grow. That is nature. When one can see that, wisdom will keep on growing. Wisdom is by itself a natural process and it is not personal. Understanding this intellectually is intellectual wisdom. Upon realization of this, then it becomes insights and one will transform.
What we can practice now is always not to forget to be aware. At the beginning, wisdom will follow when we aware enough. Later, wisdom will be the guide and goes hand in hand with awareness. It is therefore crucial to develop wisdom and to recognize wisdom.
Wisdom is hidden in many ways and it is not difficult to find. Patience, willingness and intention to grow wisdom are what it takes.
It is not an answerable question. No one will know unless one has experience it. And possibly, it is not describable too as words are very limited.
While living in this condition world, what we could do is keep continue developing wisdom. Only with wisdom, defilement can be uprooted and the un-condition can be revealed.
One of my teachers emphasis a lot on paying attention and knowing what is happening right now in the mind and body. In his meditation instruction, he will guide the meditators to pay attention and to know. He has also mentioned that defilements always focus on the concept; wisdom will go back into reality. What I got from this is that the ability to pay attention is also wisdom.
Have not been knowing much about wisdom till I meet this teacher. However, at this moment, from what has been practice, observed and learned so far, wisdom has many many face and work in different ways. Ability to pay attention is wisdom, ability to recognize is wisdom, ability to discern what is wholesome and what is unwholesome is also wisdom.
To go to deeper level, when one is able to observe wisdom at work is another level of wisdom. When one is able to know that it is wisdom at work, wisdom will in fact deepen. The teacher likes to use money to equate it as wisdom. When a businessman has money, then only he can invest. When one only has one dollar, he can only invest one dollar, and the return will be for one dollar. But if one has a lot of money, he can invest a lot, and the return will be many folds.
Same goes with wisdom. When we have wisdom, then only wisdom will grow. When wisdom grows, defilement cannot grow. That is nature. When one can see that, wisdom will keep on growing. Wisdom is by itself a natural process and it is not personal. Understanding this intellectually is intellectual wisdom. Upon realization of this, then it becomes insights and one will transform.
What we can practice now is always not to forget to be aware. At the beginning, wisdom will follow when we aware enough. Later, wisdom will be the guide and goes hand in hand with awareness. It is therefore crucial to develop wisdom and to recognize wisdom.
Wisdom is hidden in many ways and it is not difficult to find. Patience, willingness and intention to grow wisdom are what it takes.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Savor and accumulate the small wisdom.....
The Buddha taught that ‘don’t do any evil even though it is considered to be a small matter; don’t stop doing good even though the good is small’.
Habitually, human beings like to do something in big scale especially in doing good. I assumed that it could satisfy the ego a lot. And sometimes we do something bad which we considered to be small matter and won’t affect anything much. But when all of this becomes habit, and we keep habitually behave in such a manner; slowly the effect of what we did accumulate and the ripples or after effect could be a huge one.
This time, I am not talking about doing good or bad. What I would like to explore is more in wisdom gain from being aware regarding the operation of the mind.
I also have a tendency to get something big. I like to have deep and big insights. If I don’t get any ‘big or impressive’ results from my awareness and mindfulness practice, I would consider myself as not progressing. In truth, this is an inaccurate attitude.
What has change the idea is when I learned from a dhamma discussion with the teacher last night. The teacher encourages us to practice and be happy with the small wisdom we get every day. He said that one or two small wisdom a day is good enough. When we have accumulated this for a long time, then we have a big wisdom bank. He also commented that many of us only want big wisdom, and don’t want the small wisdom. It is quite a tough job as we have been operating from ignorance for such a long time.
So, he advises us to savor the small wisdom we get and reflect on what wisdom we get every day.
This has been a very good reminder to me. Whatever wisdom that has been open up to me is good, no matter how small it is. In fact, ‘big’ or ‘small’ is only a judgment of the mind. What is important now is to keep go on, keep on practicing, wisdom will be the results when sufficient data has been collected.
Awareness, perseverance, effort, patience, wisdom will be the guiding light.
Habitually, human beings like to do something in big scale especially in doing good. I assumed that it could satisfy the ego a lot. And sometimes we do something bad which we considered to be small matter and won’t affect anything much. But when all of this becomes habit, and we keep habitually behave in such a manner; slowly the effect of what we did accumulate and the ripples or after effect could be a huge one.
This time, I am not talking about doing good or bad. What I would like to explore is more in wisdom gain from being aware regarding the operation of the mind.
I also have a tendency to get something big. I like to have deep and big insights. If I don’t get any ‘big or impressive’ results from my awareness and mindfulness practice, I would consider myself as not progressing. In truth, this is an inaccurate attitude.
What has change the idea is when I learned from a dhamma discussion with the teacher last night. The teacher encourages us to practice and be happy with the small wisdom we get every day. He said that one or two small wisdom a day is good enough. When we have accumulated this for a long time, then we have a big wisdom bank. He also commented that many of us only want big wisdom, and don’t want the small wisdom. It is quite a tough job as we have been operating from ignorance for such a long time.
So, he advises us to savor the small wisdom we get and reflect on what wisdom we get every day.
This has been a very good reminder to me. Whatever wisdom that has been open up to me is good, no matter how small it is. In fact, ‘big’ or ‘small’ is only a judgment of the mind. What is important now is to keep go on, keep on practicing, wisdom will be the results when sufficient data has been collected.
Awareness, perseverance, effort, patience, wisdom will be the guiding light.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Awareness leads to freedom
I have fear when see worms. The kind of soft and long shape of the creatures always brings out the inner fear in me. So yesterday after seeing worms in a dragon fruit which I wanted to eat, the impingement of the creatures and fear lingered in the mind for a long time.
While I was meditating last night, there was no luck to get rid of the image of the worms. The aversion towards the worms has caused the mind to think of ways to get rid of them. Then the thought of pouring hot water into the fruits that I throw in the dustbin will be able to kill the creatures.
Then another thought arise, a judgment or criticism, to be more accurate. It said that how come you are so cruel, how can you kill? And with the religious training I had and information given to me, a thought of sending love and compassion towards the thought and to the creatures is needed.
While observing this, a sudden insight comes upon me. Why do I have to send loving-kindness or compassionate thoughts to the cruel thoughts? Am I not fixing something? And to send loving-kindness thoughts to the cruel thought, do I not holding on more tightly to the cruel thought? Am I not making the cruel thought real and sustain it? If the thought is not there, why do I need to send loving thoughts? So I have to make it there for the mind to send loving-kindness. In order to make it there, then the mind has to hold on to it and make it real.
With this understanding, then I saw that I am not observing the thoughts impartially. I am not mindful without bias. I am aware of the thoughts, but I am not observing it, I involve in it. When I am able to keep impartiality in the observing, there is this thought arise, and this thought cease in no time. It just comes and goes.
In fact, when I resist the thought, I am holding on to it. This makes me ponder on the way this mind looking at things. How frequent have ‘I’ been holding on to thoughts, happenings, feelings by resisting it? Without being able to see that resisting is in fact holding on, there is no way of letting go. But when I am able to just observe without getting involved, letting go is the effect.
So this is the wisdom that has been operating. However, this wisdom too is arising and ceasing. Who knows next time when aversion arise, the mind will resist it again. But the knowing and insight from this event serve as a reminder that to be free from resisting is possible. The doorway to it is awareness, awareness that is pure and detach.
While I was meditating last night, there was no luck to get rid of the image of the worms. The aversion towards the worms has caused the mind to think of ways to get rid of them. Then the thought of pouring hot water into the fruits that I throw in the dustbin will be able to kill the creatures.
Then another thought arise, a judgment or criticism, to be more accurate. It said that how come you are so cruel, how can you kill? And with the religious training I had and information given to me, a thought of sending love and compassion towards the thought and to the creatures is needed.
While observing this, a sudden insight comes upon me. Why do I have to send loving-kindness or compassionate thoughts to the cruel thoughts? Am I not fixing something? And to send loving-kindness thoughts to the cruel thought, do I not holding on more tightly to the cruel thought? Am I not making the cruel thought real and sustain it? If the thought is not there, why do I need to send loving thoughts? So I have to make it there for the mind to send loving-kindness. In order to make it there, then the mind has to hold on to it and make it real.
With this understanding, then I saw that I am not observing the thoughts impartially. I am not mindful without bias. I am aware of the thoughts, but I am not observing it, I involve in it. When I am able to keep impartiality in the observing, there is this thought arise, and this thought cease in no time. It just comes and goes.
In fact, when I resist the thought, I am holding on to it. This makes me ponder on the way this mind looking at things. How frequent have ‘I’ been holding on to thoughts, happenings, feelings by resisting it? Without being able to see that resisting is in fact holding on, there is no way of letting go. But when I am able to just observe without getting involved, letting go is the effect.
So this is the wisdom that has been operating. However, this wisdom too is arising and ceasing. Who knows next time when aversion arise, the mind will resist it again. But the knowing and insight from this event serve as a reminder that to be free from resisting is possible. The doorway to it is awareness, awareness that is pure and detach.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Grasping.... Letting go
While I was doing my usual routine of evening sitting meditation yesterday, it was observed that the mind was functioning from two different states, ie, ignorance or wisdom. When the mind was operated from the perspective of ignorance, there tends to be negative feelings such as unworthiness, despair, restless, irritation and others.
However, when awareness is able to observe this and not holding on or perpetual these ignorance thoughts, feeling of peace and letting go arise. The mind state becomes clear and lucid. Every activity of the mind is crystal clear and transparent and easily observable.
This kind of clear mind state is not easily accessible as we are so conditioned with thinking negative thoughts with ignorance most of the time. Once there is this mind state, it is pleasurable and enjoyable. When this happen, immediately holding on due to ignorance kicks in and the mind wants this kind of mental state to continue and prolong.
As this moment, wisdom of observing with impartiality and non-judgmental is covered up by thick cloud of ignorance. And wise contemplation of seeing things as it is was gone. Therefore, the mind state again falls back to negativity.
From the observation of this, it comes to me that we are experiencing ignorance or wisdom all the time. If wisdom is not there, it is being covered up by ignorance. When wisdom is there operating, ignorance fade. It is just the way it is. However, if holding on and grasping comes in, we will suffer.
Therefore, what has been gotten here is that there is no right or wrong with the ignorance or wisdom experience. What causes the suffering is the grasping on the experience. The grasping could be on both ignorance and wisdom. In terms of ignorance grasping, it manifested as resisting and rejecting what is. On the other hand, grasping on wisdom is desiring and wishing the pleasurable experience to continue longer.
When grasping and holding on is truly understand and let go, then there will be silence and peace.
However, when awareness is able to observe this and not holding on or perpetual these ignorance thoughts, feeling of peace and letting go arise. The mind state becomes clear and lucid. Every activity of the mind is crystal clear and transparent and easily observable.
This kind of clear mind state is not easily accessible as we are so conditioned with thinking negative thoughts with ignorance most of the time. Once there is this mind state, it is pleasurable and enjoyable. When this happen, immediately holding on due to ignorance kicks in and the mind wants this kind of mental state to continue and prolong.
As this moment, wisdom of observing with impartiality and non-judgmental is covered up by thick cloud of ignorance. And wise contemplation of seeing things as it is was gone. Therefore, the mind state again falls back to negativity.
From the observation of this, it comes to me that we are experiencing ignorance or wisdom all the time. If wisdom is not there, it is being covered up by ignorance. When wisdom is there operating, ignorance fade. It is just the way it is. However, if holding on and grasping comes in, we will suffer.
Therefore, what has been gotten here is that there is no right or wrong with the ignorance or wisdom experience. What causes the suffering is the grasping on the experience. The grasping could be on both ignorance and wisdom. In terms of ignorance grasping, it manifested as resisting and rejecting what is. On the other hand, grasping on wisdom is desiring and wishing the pleasurable experience to continue longer.
When grasping and holding on is truly understand and let go, then there will be silence and peace.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Life and Death
There was a fly lingering around in the office. Whenever there were flies, many of us regard it as irritating, not understanding that the flies were just doing their job, which is flying around, as much as what we human do i.e. walking around.
That day, I saw a colleague took up a notebook, following after the fly and wait for the right moment to hit on the fly. Proudly she showed her successful attempt in banishing the fly to the other colleague.
Sitting at my place and looking at the showing, there was a kind of unease feeling inside me. At that moment, the mind has automatically made a judgment towards this colleague and condemns her for being a killer, a murderer. How could we kill, even though that is an insect? Are we seeing this tiny life as insignificant and claim superiority as a human?
That unease feeling was lingering because I have seen ‘death’, shown by a fly in front of my own eyes.
But then suddenly, something struck and understanding just happen. Was I seeing death and fearing death at that moment? In fact it was. I was seeing a fly being killed, and the mind has fear on thinking about death. If the mind is fearing death, that means it is holding on strongly on what it calls life. And in this case, the mind is still abide in separation. What is more truth will be the mind is fearing separation, separation between life and death.
There is a meaning given to what is called death. And it is something that the mind fears so much and is looking for whatever ways, investing in whatever method to run away from it. Exercise to keep the body healthy, taking in vitamins and supplements to make the body stay fit, grooming nicely to look good, look young, all are ways the ego use to temporarily escape from the thought of death.
However, the real cause on all these is in fact beneath the meaning of life and death, which I would like to call it separation. A separation between life and death and fear on the uncertain of what we call death.
Once the mind understands this, there is no more condemnation, unease, nor contraction in the heart. There is no holding on to what life is, and what is called death. The mind accepts what had happened and relaxes into the ease of the present. No more meaning giving. Peace.
That day, I saw a colleague took up a notebook, following after the fly and wait for the right moment to hit on the fly. Proudly she showed her successful attempt in banishing the fly to the other colleague.
Sitting at my place and looking at the showing, there was a kind of unease feeling inside me. At that moment, the mind has automatically made a judgment towards this colleague and condemns her for being a killer, a murderer. How could we kill, even though that is an insect? Are we seeing this tiny life as insignificant and claim superiority as a human?
That unease feeling was lingering because I have seen ‘death’, shown by a fly in front of my own eyes.
But then suddenly, something struck and understanding just happen. Was I seeing death and fearing death at that moment? In fact it was. I was seeing a fly being killed, and the mind has fear on thinking about death. If the mind is fearing death, that means it is holding on strongly on what it calls life. And in this case, the mind is still abide in separation. What is more truth will be the mind is fearing separation, separation between life and death.
There is a meaning given to what is called death. And it is something that the mind fears so much and is looking for whatever ways, investing in whatever method to run away from it. Exercise to keep the body healthy, taking in vitamins and supplements to make the body stay fit, grooming nicely to look good, look young, all are ways the ego use to temporarily escape from the thought of death.
However, the real cause on all these is in fact beneath the meaning of life and death, which I would like to call it separation. A separation between life and death and fear on the uncertain of what we call death.
Once the mind understands this, there is no more condemnation, unease, nor contraction in the heart. There is no holding on to what life is, and what is called death. The mind accepts what had happened and relaxes into the ease of the present. No more meaning giving. Peace.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Duality
During one of the meditation retreat discussion with the teacher, the teacher mentioned that when yogis (those who practice meditation) reported to him they have a good sitting, he will be worry for the yogis. It is strange. I thought that teachers will be happy because the students show some progress. And I asked the teacher why. He said that when some one said he has a good sitting, the mind will hold on to the good experience and the next sitting, the yogis will suffer because he is expecting another good sitting.
It was a bit bewildered for me and I don’t really get what the teacher meant until last night when I was sitting comfortably in my cozy room reading a book. At that moment, the mind was feeling very pleasurable and thought that this is very comfortable. At the same time, another thought of judging the small inn I was staying the previous two nights was very un-comfortable and in a way, scaring as it is dirty and dark and rumored to be haunted.
Suddenly the mind realized, it was holding on to the current pleasurable and comfort experience. When this happened, immediately back in the subconscious, there is disliking of the opposite. We as human beings like pleasure and comfortable feeling. When there is liking, automatically disliking arises. No exception. And then I remember and understand what TL, a good friend cum teacher told me before, it is like the two side of the coins, they always come together, you can’t want one side and don’t want the other.
In other words, in this realm, this world, pleasure and un-pleasure feeling, comfortable and uncomfortable experiences are naturally exist. With the blessing of the senses of seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching and feeling, we will be experiencing both. In fact, there is nothing wrong with both kinds of experiences. But once there is grasping towards the pleasurable, suffering follows. And a dislike seed has been planted towards the unpleasant.
Suffering follows in terms of both wanting the good, and resisting the bad. In so many occasions, I have overlooked this kind of mind working, not recognizing the seed of hatred has been planted. With awareness training, the mind is more quiet and calm and able to catch how ideas and opinions have been formed towards the unpleasant while experiencing the pleasant.
With the observation and noticing without any judgment and criticism, then there is no more holding on towards the pleasant and aversion towards the unpleasant. There comes in peace and tranquility. That is why the Buddha advocates on equanimity as the route to liberation.
But then, does it mean this being here always live in such kind of bliss state? Obviously no because the mind has been conditioned so much in wanting and not wanting. However, by being able to have a brief glimpse of how the mind works, it opens up a wider door of faith and trust for the practicing to continue.
It is not a destiny, it is a journey.
It was a bit bewildered for me and I don’t really get what the teacher meant until last night when I was sitting comfortably in my cozy room reading a book. At that moment, the mind was feeling very pleasurable and thought that this is very comfortable. At the same time, another thought of judging the small inn I was staying the previous two nights was very un-comfortable and in a way, scaring as it is dirty and dark and rumored to be haunted.
Suddenly the mind realized, it was holding on to the current pleasurable and comfort experience. When this happened, immediately back in the subconscious, there is disliking of the opposite. We as human beings like pleasure and comfortable feeling. When there is liking, automatically disliking arises. No exception. And then I remember and understand what TL, a good friend cum teacher told me before, it is like the two side of the coins, they always come together, you can’t want one side and don’t want the other.
In other words, in this realm, this world, pleasure and un-pleasure feeling, comfortable and uncomfortable experiences are naturally exist. With the blessing of the senses of seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching and feeling, we will be experiencing both. In fact, there is nothing wrong with both kinds of experiences. But once there is grasping towards the pleasurable, suffering follows. And a dislike seed has been planted towards the unpleasant.
Suffering follows in terms of both wanting the good, and resisting the bad. In so many occasions, I have overlooked this kind of mind working, not recognizing the seed of hatred has been planted. With awareness training, the mind is more quiet and calm and able to catch how ideas and opinions have been formed towards the unpleasant while experiencing the pleasant.
With the observation and noticing without any judgment and criticism, then there is no more holding on towards the pleasant and aversion towards the unpleasant. There comes in peace and tranquility. That is why the Buddha advocates on equanimity as the route to liberation.
But then, does it mean this being here always live in such kind of bliss state? Obviously no because the mind has been conditioned so much in wanting and not wanting. However, by being able to have a brief glimpse of how the mind works, it opens up a wider door of faith and trust for the practicing to continue.
It is not a destiny, it is a journey.
Non-existance and meaningless...
You and I do not exist. The statement itself could have triggered alarming shock in many. To some, it might just sound as true and accept that gracefully.
When the mind quiets down, it become crystal clear that whatever arises passes away in same rate. There is no meaning in anything. The wisdom understands it clearly, and knows it to its deepest sense.
But then, some thing arises. Since there is no meaning in the happenings, which denotes nothing is important or real in any way possible, how about trying to create some meaning in the meaningless, for the sake of experience and having some fun? With that idea, meaning of possession comes in, follow by wealth, fame, relationship, career, success, and many more items and events under the sun.
It was started initially just for the fun of it. But some how or rather, in a later stage, it was forgotten that all these are created for the sake of giving some meaning to happenings, indulgence starts to set in, and takes control. And then, human and the notion of ‘I’ come into the picture. The entire purpose of giving meaning has been lost and the most sad incident is no one ever remember happenings has no meaning at all, the meaning are just given by a mad idea of the ignorance.
Looking back to the teaching of Buddha and Jesus, both masters were showing what the truth is. The Buddha said ‘I’ does not exist. Jesus told us the world has no meaning except the meaning we gave to it.
But we all have forgotten this. We took every thing so seriously and making it so real. We are our house, our car, our relationship, our body, our mind. What we experience are us. That is the mistake we have made without realizing it. That is the error that we could have corrected by now.
When we quiets down, when we can observe the chattering mind as just chattering, the grasping as just grasping, the meaning giving as just meaning giving, naturally, there is letting go, there is insight. There is the wisdom operating and there is the route to the deathless and endless.
No more meaning giving, no more mistake, no more grasping, no more no more…
When the mind quiets down, it become crystal clear that whatever arises passes away in same rate. There is no meaning in anything. The wisdom understands it clearly, and knows it to its deepest sense.
But then, some thing arises. Since there is no meaning in the happenings, which denotes nothing is important or real in any way possible, how about trying to create some meaning in the meaningless, for the sake of experience and having some fun? With that idea, meaning of possession comes in, follow by wealth, fame, relationship, career, success, and many more items and events under the sun.
It was started initially just for the fun of it. But some how or rather, in a later stage, it was forgotten that all these are created for the sake of giving some meaning to happenings, indulgence starts to set in, and takes control. And then, human and the notion of ‘I’ come into the picture. The entire purpose of giving meaning has been lost and the most sad incident is no one ever remember happenings has no meaning at all, the meaning are just given by a mad idea of the ignorance.
Looking back to the teaching of Buddha and Jesus, both masters were showing what the truth is. The Buddha said ‘I’ does not exist. Jesus told us the world has no meaning except the meaning we gave to it.
But we all have forgotten this. We took every thing so seriously and making it so real. We are our house, our car, our relationship, our body, our mind. What we experience are us. That is the mistake we have made without realizing it. That is the error that we could have corrected by now.
When we quiets down, when we can observe the chattering mind as just chattering, the grasping as just grasping, the meaning giving as just meaning giving, naturally, there is letting go, there is insight. There is the wisdom operating and there is the route to the deathless and endless.
No more meaning giving, no more mistake, no more grasping, no more no more…
Monday, June 21, 2010
Awareness just observe....
While reading a book the other day, the mind was excited for it has found some useful message. The content of the book is concluded to be so true.
However, while awareness is operating and contemplating and reflecting is functioning, light pops up and the mind see some new insights.
Many a time, while the senses get in contact with its objects, in this case, the mind with the information in the book, naturally, the mind dissimilate what it has received, compared with the ideas already present and store in the memory. If the comparison comes out positive, then an agreeable message is discharged and we will say ‘whoa, that is so true’. In contrast, the mind will discard the information and judge it as inaccurate, not true, or heavier word: wrong.
In both case, the mind will look for reasons, facts, statements, sayings from the sages or some famous celebrities either to support if it is agreeable or justify if it is disagreeable. When this process of looking for facts and reasons is going on, the attention is mostly outwards, that is towards the information it has just received and searching from outside facts and proves.
In the training of awareness, however, is observing inward on the working of the mind. In this case, from my own experience, it can be noticed that the mind is working very fast, just like the memory in the hardware of a computer, searching through its database for reasons that it agree with the content. And, without involving and personalizing this process, it is seen that at the same time, the mind is judging that what so and so said is not true, because what this master or teacher said is true. Or, maybe so and so has not understand this yet, now I read this and I understand; it is just operating of ego.
All this happened because there are already ideas and opinions running in the mind. In normal way, the mind looks out and get involve with all the thoughts, which then perpetual the thought process. I am feeling grateful that now, this skill of awareness has been learned. And now it knows and able to observe and recognize that judging on the content of books is like this; trying to look for facts to support and justify my opinion is like that; and just observing how this happen without getting involve feels like that.
Just being aware, is, but peace and freedom.
However, while awareness is operating and contemplating and reflecting is functioning, light pops up and the mind see some new insights.
Many a time, while the senses get in contact with its objects, in this case, the mind with the information in the book, naturally, the mind dissimilate what it has received, compared with the ideas already present and store in the memory. If the comparison comes out positive, then an agreeable message is discharged and we will say ‘whoa, that is so true’. In contrast, the mind will discard the information and judge it as inaccurate, not true, or heavier word: wrong.
In both case, the mind will look for reasons, facts, statements, sayings from the sages or some famous celebrities either to support if it is agreeable or justify if it is disagreeable. When this process of looking for facts and reasons is going on, the attention is mostly outwards, that is towards the information it has just received and searching from outside facts and proves.
In the training of awareness, however, is observing inward on the working of the mind. In this case, from my own experience, it can be noticed that the mind is working very fast, just like the memory in the hardware of a computer, searching through its database for reasons that it agree with the content. And, without involving and personalizing this process, it is seen that at the same time, the mind is judging that what so and so said is not true, because what this master or teacher said is true. Or, maybe so and so has not understand this yet, now I read this and I understand; it is just operating of ego.
All this happened because there are already ideas and opinions running in the mind. In normal way, the mind looks out and get involve with all the thoughts, which then perpetual the thought process. I am feeling grateful that now, this skill of awareness has been learned. And now it knows and able to observe and recognize that judging on the content of books is like this; trying to look for facts to support and justify my opinion is like that; and just observing how this happen without getting involve feels like that.
Just being aware, is, but peace and freedom.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Healing vs Letting Go
We don’t really heal anything; we simply let it go.” -- Carl Jung
Read this phrase from an email today and it sounds so true to me. Many times, I have heard about healing. And from scientific view, stepping from curing to healing is a great advance.
However, deep in the mind, I have, to certain degree found that even healing is not so accurate. I come from a Buddhism background which advocate on non-self, impermanence and dukkha. While in non-self, there isn’t an entity, a soul, or a body. And everything is just flux that changes in an unbelievable fast rate.
And in recent teachings of all those famous master and spiritual advisers, they too, some how have taught that there is no ‘body’ which human has been taken it for real for ages. There is no a permanent mind or a human being that resides in this body.
In this case, I have found it very strange that some of my friends who have been walking in the journey for many years and telling every one who come into their domain that the world is not real are still seeking after healing, be it healing to the body or the mind or anything. On one hand, it was well understood (well, could be intellectual understanding) that mind and body of the person called ‘I’ is just what ‘I’ have taken for real. On the other hand, this ‘I’ still looking for something to heal itself. Isn’t it a conflict? It is like telling myself there is no ‘I’ or ‘me’, but I need to get myself heal. Who is getting heal and what is getting heal?
There is no ‘I’ but I have to…. So it appear very strange to me and I am not able to understand them. It is as if they are talking about going home is in this direction, they are going home soon. But what they do is walking on the opposite direction.
I am not saying that we can’t seek treatment if the body is sick. What I couldn’t understand is how they are still seeking after so many healing masters to heal what has been understood as not real. It is not about healing, it is about the mind state or grasping on the idea that healing needs to be done.
If one is talking about something and the action is on the opposite, it could be that person has not understood what he/she said fully. It takes wisdom to discern whether to blindly believe what has been said, or take another way and discard what is not beneficial.
What Carl Jung said is agreeable to what has been understood, we don’t really heal anything, as there is nothing to be healed.
Read this phrase from an email today and it sounds so true to me. Many times, I have heard about healing. And from scientific view, stepping from curing to healing is a great advance.
However, deep in the mind, I have, to certain degree found that even healing is not so accurate. I come from a Buddhism background which advocate on non-self, impermanence and dukkha. While in non-self, there isn’t an entity, a soul, or a body. And everything is just flux that changes in an unbelievable fast rate.
And in recent teachings of all those famous master and spiritual advisers, they too, some how have taught that there is no ‘body’ which human has been taken it for real for ages. There is no a permanent mind or a human being that resides in this body.
In this case, I have found it very strange that some of my friends who have been walking in the journey for many years and telling every one who come into their domain that the world is not real are still seeking after healing, be it healing to the body or the mind or anything. On one hand, it was well understood (well, could be intellectual understanding) that mind and body of the person called ‘I’ is just what ‘I’ have taken for real. On the other hand, this ‘I’ still looking for something to heal itself. Isn’t it a conflict? It is like telling myself there is no ‘I’ or ‘me’, but I need to get myself heal. Who is getting heal and what is getting heal?
There is no ‘I’ but I have to…. So it appear very strange to me and I am not able to understand them. It is as if they are talking about going home is in this direction, they are going home soon. But what they do is walking on the opposite direction.
I am not saying that we can’t seek treatment if the body is sick. What I couldn’t understand is how they are still seeking after so many healing masters to heal what has been understood as not real. It is not about healing, it is about the mind state or grasping on the idea that healing needs to be done.
If one is talking about something and the action is on the opposite, it could be that person has not understood what he/she said fully. It takes wisdom to discern whether to blindly believe what has been said, or take another way and discard what is not beneficial.
What Carl Jung said is agreeable to what has been understood, we don’t really heal anything, as there is nothing to be healed.
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