Strict and Stern Words..... (2)

The second incident happened when I was attending a meditation retreat in Myanmar also about 2 years ago. While in this particular retreat, sleepiness during sitting meditation is the main obstacle.

I was there for a month and almost during every interview with the teacher, I reported about sleepiness in my sitting. The teacher had been patiently listening and giving some guidance.

On the last interview before I came back, again I was talking about sleepiness that I faced. To my surprise, the teacher said something like ‘you can go back to Malaysia and sleep as you like’. Hearing this, I was feeling inferior. I was thinking how come the teacher got no more compassion towards me? How come the teacher didn’t try to rescue me? Has the teacher feeling frustrated and given up on me and seeing me as hopeless and he didn’t want to help me anymore?

There was a lot of inferior and fear thinking happening.

But now, without judging and focusing only on what the teacher said, I am able to look at what had happened from a different perspective. The stern and seemingly strict and not compassionate words from the teacher have indeed served as a wakeup call that dig deeper into the subconscious idea this mind is having.

There has always been a ‘poor me’, ‘pity me’ syndrome happening in this mind and it manifested in the behavior of always needing others to make decision for me. There is a belief of I am useless, hopeless, helpless and don’t know how to come out from the deep pit, please come and rescue me, save me. This idea and belief has been rooted so deeply in the mind.

Now, the teacher has admonished in a different way. In fact, he has given all the teaching, the methods and the necessary tools. But if I am not going to apply it accordingly, he won’t be able to save me. A teacher is only showing the way. What I had in the mind is wanting the teacher to walk the way for me, which is impossible.

After coming back from the retreat, the mind has actually conditioned to be more aware and conscious on the arising of the sleepy thoughts. In other words, the mind is wiser to apply right effort in the practice.

In this manner, I am again feeling grateful to the teacher’s stern and strict admonishment. Without that, I could still be like a little child who always waiting others to do what I am supposed to do myself. I will not grow, so to speak.

After these two incident, the mind has grow, in a way, and become more mature.

Therefore, if stern and strict admonishment has been aimed on us, do not fear it, do not resist it. It could be our great teacher for us to reflect upon, for us to move forward and grow in strength.

Strict and stern words....... (1)

Many of us only like to hear appearing and pleasurable words. No exception here. When we hear nice words and praise from the others, we feel happy and elated. On the contrary, if some one admonish us, some one speak with more stern voice and strict words, we feel challenge, we feel threaten, we feel misunderstood, and become miserable.

However, stern and strict words are not all the time harmful or hurting if we can use that as a way for contemplation and look within to grow.

I have two experience in this which can be share with all and hopefully when people admonish us next time, we will have the wisdom and willingness to look back into our mind, look back into our behavior and check if there is any thing good which can come out from there.

About 2 years ago, I attended a 10-day workshop with a group of friends. Nearing the ending of the workshop, we have decided to offer gifts to the participants on the last day as souvenir for them to bring back and serve as reminder to the lessons that we have learned. However, to prepare the gifts, which we choose to make it ourselves rather than just buy from the shelves, we got to stay late in the night. And it was way pass my normal sleeping hours.

Half way in the process, I said that I was too sleepy and not able to think already. Then this friend made a remark that ‘the mind which always thinks of sleep can’t have wisdom’. Hearing the words, I was feeling some irritation and anger, feeling being insulted. I was blaming the person that it was true that I was feeling sleepy as the time is approaching 12 midnight and not that I am always thinking about sleep.

That was how I felt at that time.

However, after came back from the workshop and further contemplating on what I heard that night ‘the mind that always think of sleep can’t have wisdom’, it serve as a strong reminder to observe and note the mind which has been so habitually having sleep thoughts. The mind that has thoughts about sleep is very dull, inactive, blur, lethargy and lack of alertness. This kind of mind state is not conducive for mindfulness and awareness practice.

So now, whenever there is a sleepy thought, the mind will check whether it is true. Is it just a thought? Is it really tired? How is the mental state at that time?

At current state, I am actually feeling thankful to that friend who has said that remark. It helps to be more conscious and raise a condition for more investigative mind rather than just follow a ‘sleepy thought’.

Strict and stern words are not always hurtful if we could use that as a tool to improve ourselves and becoming more aware and alert.
~~~ to be continued….